I need to find the strength to go back to the lawyer and go through with the divorce this time.

I had a very unhappy, traumatic experience throughout this marriage. I have to cope with the aftermath of that trauma whether or not I move forward with or without him. I wanted to move forward with him and repair our relationship. He has the ability to act ‘right’ in a last ditch effort just long enough to get me to say we can stay together, then he’s right back to neglect, stress, incompatibility, nervous struggle, selfishness, laziness…all the bad things (much of them I can tolerate). This is the dance. It is what it is. He hurts me then apologizes. He promises to ‘get’ me and never do it again, then he does it again and pretends he has no clue. It’s emotional abuse. And yes, I have given him extreme power over me. I am obsessed with this working. I am terrified to leave. I think I am worthless alone Why did I let this stupid notion poison my brain?

It’s not even fear of no money at this point. I’ll be alright. I need someone to help me go to the lawyer and coach me through this. Is there such a person? A life coach?

Would you believe even my last psychiatrist told me to not divorce him?! He put me down like I am nothing and my big shot husband is everything. I am intimidated that he was successful and important and I was a drop-out, who was happy to be a homemaker and did it with love and to the best of my ability. I never did one negative behavior that anyone diagnosed with a disorder has done as a problem; like gambling etc…! I got diagnosed because I am so unhappy with him I can’t stop crying!

Thanks, Divine, I’m going to try to give myself the credit I deserve.