TishaBuv I don't think I know enough about your marriage and your husband doesn't seem like he's necessarily all that self-aware or easy to deal with, but do you think he would be open to some sortof compromise if he thinks it's too much to move across states for an idea that he may be mistrustful of whether it would work out well? From your posts, he sounded like he liked the idea originally but then something about it made him too concerned. And what that something is, it would help to know.

For example, maybe if he doesn't have to commit to a whole new big change right away, it would work better. You also mention that he's concerned about money a lot, and that is where maybe he gets in his own way, liking the idea but then getting too concerned about saving money because maybe he would need it for some weird catastrophy in future. These are just examples though, I don't know him.

What I read about is that with these things with really bad disagreements in a marriage where no one easily sees a compromise, it helps discover what the parties in the disagreement really need. Like you mentioned you need some change of environment, for however long it may have to be, and you seem to need to have a closer relationship with your kids (and to your husband too, you said that in a post) and your husband, again who knows what he needs there. If he is not aware of his needs though or maybe he is aware but has no skills in communicating them, it's going to make finding a compromise harder, but it's worth a try. Without either of you getting triggered lolol we talked about that in the other thread, or at least if you can keep up boundaries about the triggers if it's possible to avoid those while discussing the issue.

But if he's impossible to work with on a compromise even when less stressed (after all the lockdown mess ends and you have more space etc) and even if you made sure you kept all your boundaries and avoided triggers, then I think that's a big red flag.