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Alive99 · May 07, 2021, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I have had a fondness to the place because I was born there. It could be a new start in a totally different atmosphere. The people have a reputation for being nicer. Maybe I’ll make some new friends! I would like to start to actually work. I have a job which I do not even work in because it is at my own pace and my current boss doesn’t care if I do nothing…so I do nothing.

I hate that I have been a severely depressed, barely functional person for my entire adult life, since marriage! I want to turn around how I feel about myself and how others see me. I want to set a better example for my family.

I'm so sorry to hear that it's been like that in the marriage and that is a red flag too to me. It makes me think he was not helping bring the best out of you but instead drained you and THAT'S the red flag to me. I thought it was just this bad with the lockdown. But your goal sounds very empowering!

Reading it all together it also makes me feel like your wanting to move to the other state is like you want to start a new life in a new environment because you are trying to find that empowerment? And that is what I mean by how big disagreements in marriage are pointers to deeper needs (this is what I read).

Quote:

Right now the clutter in my home is ridiculous. My in-laws passed away and we brought all their stuff into our house.

I’m selling our stuff on ebay one chachkie at a time.

I haven’t been able to park my car in the garage for two years because he stuck his car, that he doesn’t drive, in the space and refuses to move it, or start it, or fix it, or sell it. I hate living with a person who is such opposition!

It’s so overwhelming I feel stuck and helpless.

He initiates nothing that makes me happy. He only does what he likes. He liked clogging our house up with all that stuff and leaving it there. I like him to get rid of it in a timely, efficient way. It’s a battle where i have to keep annoying him to do what I want. It’s so frustrating, it’s just not worth it and I give up and cry—-major depressive disorder diagnosis but living with a tormentor!

I have read (and tried it a bit myself) that to deal with guys in a relationship when they are like "no" or disinterested and won't do anything, if we leave emotions out of it when bringing up the issue it helps. I don't know if it always works, I saw it sometimes work in a relationship before...

(And I'm not talking about those deep disagreements on major things like your moving to a new state. I'm talking about more "superficial" practical issues like the one you mentioned here about the clutter)

It was overwhelming and terrible to me too and when sometimes I somehow got through to them in the way I described, it was really cool and felt like OH finally this is working with him?!, but it was also like it needed all my emotional control to keep the emotions out of it (because maybe it was trigger stuff for me....pretty sure it was, actually) so I don't know if that on its own is the solution because it was still pretty hard to do. I don't know really. I hope you will find the way to do what you want.