Sooo I did end up going IP. I was hearing things, feeling terrified that someone was trying to hurt/kill me, and that I had to harm my myself to ward them off. Sounds pretty bad, and it was. Probably the most scared I’ve ever been. My pdoc called RS. He came straight home and gently convinced me to go. I mean what it came down to was either I go voluntarily or I guarantee my pdoc would have committed me. I was scared of having police show up.

When I got to the hospital I was so upset and scared that I didn’t leave my room for three days. Everything was too loud. My dr there put me on 24 hour watch right out of the gate. I didn’t speak. I felt so much terror and rage at the noise level, I had to keep my hands over my ears. On the third day I cried every time someone even looked at me.

But it started to get better. He put me on Zyprexa and doxepin for sleep. I was finally able to have an actual conversation the fifth day. Took me most of the week to feel completely comfortable having people behind me. But Wednesday I was so happy that it was actually working and I felt NORMAL. No more fear.

I got discharged today. I’m just really sad I can’t go back to work this school year I have to do an outpatient program and there’s only five weeks left until the end of school. Even if I’m only in the program for 2-3 weeks I wouldn’t really go back for that short amount of time. I’m going to miss my students.