I have since found more things that trigger me.... some of them leave me in a really dark place. I am worried I'll go back to old habits. SI mainly.
I've been working on creating an internal safe space, where No one can harm me.

My most recent flashback was incredibly disturbing, I'm now concerned about what else happened... trying to remember... but there's so many gaps, patches of time I don't have memories of. Sometime it makes me want to die, sometimes I want to scrub myself clean and other times I want to hide. I'm exhausted and I want this to be over.

I feel like I'm drowning.