Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
The section I made bold says a lot. I think a lot of the terminology has come from the use by our therapists to help us understand what we had been dealing with that has caused us problems. Then instead of just applying it to our situation for understanding, we tend to start labeling others that seem to be similar to what we dealt with that caused us problems, then we start labeling situations the same way.
OK, I am guilty of using the term "dysfunctional" way too much because it actually described my parents & also my now EX husband. My T helped me understand that they were dysfunctional & that the way I reacted to them was because their behaviors were NOT normal & that my reaction was actually an appropriate response to behavior like that. So then I tended to start saying that anyone who behaved in a similar way was IMO, dysfunctional & in reality that is just the same as the overuse of the term "toxic".
Another term that I remember learning in therapy is about "validation". Good to know when we need validation from others or self-validation is better. It is important to know that what we are thinking is along the right path but even that is a term that can be overused.
Having had 2 years of intense DBT therapy, it was good for me to learn terms that could describe what I had experienced & was experiencing to help me learn how to express my thoughts & feelings. But when we take it past that & start applying it to everyone else & every other situation we come across, I think that is where the problem comes in.
I honestly NEVER heart the term "toxic" ever used in the 2 years of DBT or with any of my good T's I have had since moving here. Probably why I never apply that term to any of the situations I find myself in because they seem to me to be more dysfunctional than toxic which is based on our own personal experiences how we see our situations.
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Well the reason you didn't hear the word 'toxic' in therapy is because it's nowhere in the DSM 5. It's a buzz word, and a lot of people have written about how it's used as a label to "other" the person being labeled and allow people to create a victim mentality for themselves.
I find it predominantly used by people who want to avoid responsibility for their own behavior and blame it on others. Typically people with poor conflict resolution skills.
It never helps to label others in our healing because you can't do anything about other people or their diagnoses, nor can we diagnose other people. As you suggested, Eskie, we have to address our own behavior and make our own choices about dealing with people we don't like. These are our choices that we need to take responsibility for and not blame on others by labeling them. Why do we have to label a person toxic and make it about them instead of simply taking responsibility for how we feel and saying we don't like them? Same with jobs and other situations that get labeled toxic.
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