After my attempt, I went through a period of time where I was deeply confused. "I did it because I was mentally ill; no, I did it because of my circumstances and because of my H." I have come to accept responsibility for the things I did (we are responsible for our reactions to others) and not feel as responsible for other people's actions. I have learned not to internalize other people's emotions and criticisms too much. Sometimes when people criticize us, there could be a valid basis for us but it is important to learn not too let others guilt trip or shame us. We all make mistakes and sometime people talk about others mistakes in order to deflect any criticism of their own mistakes. I am trying to not voice concerns, advice, etc. as much because some people don't want to hear it and it has less impact when we are repetitive. I am learning to keep more thoughts to myself and have quiet time to myself everyday where I am not reacting to anyone and doing what I choose. I still do things for other people (we gain a lot for ourselves by serving others) but realize how important it is to have quiet time for me.

You are a very compassionate person and I wonder if you internalize others feelings and requests to the point that you are not being your own person? Also, you were a mother taking care of four males for a long time and some mothers might lose themselves a little doing such a big job--if that makes sense? Perhaps you are an empath? 40 Character Traits of an Empath | Discover If You Are an Empath
An empathic person is highly affected by other people’s feelings, emotions, and energies but also their actions and thoughts. Empaths have the innate ability to deeply understand the people they are confronted with. They perceive the underlying motivations of other people’s actions, their intentions, and their desires. In a sense, they are – consciously or unconsciously – able to tune into other people and to deeply understand them on an emotional level. At the same time, empathic people unknowingly adopt the emotions and feelings of others.