Good morning!

This is my 2nd battle with depression within 10 years. It's triggered by my marital problems. The first time he agreed to counseling and it worked for awhile in my opinion. When things turned sour again, I began to defend myself very assertively. He would leave me and the kids alone for awhile. I never wanted to feel depression ever again and I didn't want my kids to think moms have to take being treated unfairly. Even though this was not an ideal situation, I am stuck until I can live on my own. I know none of this is good for the kids and it is very unfortunate. I have been working on preparations to move out for several years. One is going to college to have the career of my dreams and have been very focused. I was becoming a stronger person. I have always thought my marriage would end in divorce, so I have been preparing, but also holding hope that things will turn around.

What I cannot fathom is why I care so deeply now that he tells me that we are over after no intimacy for a year. He is allowing me to finish school to prepare for 2 households. I am grief stricken with the deepest depression. Can't eat, sleep, and have racing thoughts.

Been about 5 days of this...
I leave my house 2 times in the middle of the night to cry and exert myself to hopefully sleep. I think I may slip into psychosis if I can't get this manageable soon. Seeking a counselor, just challenging to find one at the moment.

Nights are the worst any advice to get through the night? I feel if I could sleep, I would function a lot better and have a better chance to transition to a new state of mind.