hi breakthehabit...

it can feel very overwhelming at times... posting here and reaching for help is a good move on your part... at 18 you still have many options... its very painful to not have what you want very much, even need.. the girl may represent comfort and peace and happiness for you, and when down, anything which brings that prospect to life is appealing...

there are ways to acquire the feelings of happiness and comfort and peace... it is absolutely great to have a caring friend help you along the way....

take a little time and evaluate how it feels inside and imagine what objects or people outside fit with your image of healthy living...

best to you always