yes, GK, I agree, adding the human elements too!

there is another possibility playing its part stemming from families of origin for many in bad relationships, and that is whether the individual in a partnership regards risk as such, even to the detriment.

the human element, sometimes in our blind spot, may dictate how much crap we take, subconsciously, from previous partnerships that affected us most in our own childhood families.

one may take more chances in unhealthy relationships because we are familiar with this, to the point of crisis, multiple times, and beyond.

benefits may seem selfish, or one feels unworthy of love or a healthy relationship early on, and seeks partners that are also low in self esteem.

regard for personal safety, security, wholesome reinforcement, having needs met, and receiving respect and being valued may not be recognized as a basic human right for some time, since many of us may not have been raised with respect and love and commitment to our well-being from our own homes.

i have learned that my personal relationships that work best are like good business partnership, not the 'service' it provides (that is give and take to me, like six errors, chuckle).

my feelings, if we treated the significant others in our lives
as we would a business partner, respect wise, we would behave better towards them, and might be immediate to chip in where needed (even if it's not an assigned responsibility), and would guard the relationship to prevent losses, diligently, same with gains, so the ball stays up in the air during any given day of the year (not just birthdays).

we would know the deal breakers, how to re-negotiate terms, and take risks agreeingly, whether assigned or surprise, and all with respecting the dignity and value of another in relationship with us.

overall, we would treat our loved ones better when we see them in the light of day - where what we do matters and has it's stake in the outcome, just as our partner have their end to hold up.

a) if they abandoned the business, I would do what?
b) if they keep us in vulnerable positions with others, what could I do?
c) if they really weren't that into this business, what then?
d) if they mishandled the business, dishonestly, and recklessly, what are my options?
e) if my partner mistreated me, alone and in front of our own company, what can I do?
f) if my partner mistreated the associates we produced, what is required?

getting specific with the problems experienced with others will help determine what i can do to protect my (business) well-being, in general, and personally. in that way, it's the same as business. personal business. i want to have relationships succeed as much as any other part of a balanced life, not as an area controlling every avenue - badly - as i've been there once, continued for a long time, and have no plans to risk my sanity and health with any other unhealthy, severely unhappy relationship again.

knowing how to recognize the warning signs of a bad partnership, is one thing.
keeping our heads on straight where love is concerned is another.

we can always do something about it. waiting for the next screw up or sinking in quicksand is not necessarily the best option for those of us who have walked in the muddy boots of stinky love-lifes, and then there are those who have always had their heads on straight from the get-go.

some people seem to have only lifes' ups and downs to deal with - an occasional curve ball here and there, aside from expected losses. overall, they make the best choices for themselves and have it together- as they think well on their feet, have good judgement, and use their gained and accurate knowledge and experience as they deal with situations. they are good people, leading decent lives, minus alot of drama, DNA problems, heck, maybe had the luck of the draw!

we learn to make better decisions, use clear concise judgement, build our self esteem and improve the quality of our lives without waiting for another (bank) screw-up, at least when we know how, and have been supported through changing, especially those of us who didn't get the sure footing from a quality childhood.

this explains to me some of why some stay stuck and why it's easier for some to move on or let go.

peace,
nightbird

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