Thankyou all so much. I suppose, just lately I feel much better, happier, less angry and definitely less aggressive and hurt.

I have learned to pity this man rather than hate him, i have learned to 'cope' with certain triggers, not all just yet. My mother was one of my abusers and she is out of my life, she was given a choice to make amends, apologise, accept what she had done.

My life is so much better without her around. This makes me sad for the people who would love a mother, but she was just my incubator really, never protected me, was never there for me and never believed me when i told her about her lover abusing me. i pity her too. I pity her formissing out on her daughter, grandchildren (though i have never once stopped them from seeing her if they want to), her son in law etc ..... i can forgive my mum because i still love her and she is who she is, but right now i can't have her in my life.

Sorry if i am rambling here i'm trying to get it out as i'm thinking lol.

Basically no, I will never forgive him, just pity him. I cope by thinking i was a child and had no say in what he was doing, i feel no guilt any more like i used to. i know it was not my fault. Maybe one day i will forgive who knows. But i know i am not angry anymore, and that has given me sweet release ....

I feel open to breathe, love, care, share, but most of all i am free to live my life for the first time ever. This is after good therapy, good friends and fantastic family. i still havea way to go but i have the strength now.

thankyou for listening, Kerry/innyann xoxoxoxoxo

hugs to you all