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Even in junior high & high school & stayed away from groups except the intellectual & music clubs at school. I remember blowing off pledging for a club after I tried it. At the time I didn't understand why but I never was a follower. Something in my gut made me always be an individual from as early as I can remember. I never recall a need to be accepted by any group but I did want to be accepted for who I was & yes, I was part of the good grade group but I had to work harder than others to get there (good thing they didn't know that)
I remember the first day in my own kitchen after moving here where I knew absolutely no one & having come home from grocery shopping, I opened the cupboards & threw my arms up in the air with joy, knowing that everything I bought was exactly what I liked to eat. That was exactly 14 years ago this May 15. Life these last 14 years has been the best adventure of my life. Exploring everything new, finding friends I truly connect with & who have become better family than my family ever was. There is nothing from my old life I walked away from that I miss & I totally enjoy the adventures & new challenges life throws at me daily except for a few & they are the ones I keep finding out trying to totally get away from that past that require lawyer action. 2100 miles away makes that a challenge. But again....I am up for a challenge & battle if that is what it requires. I look at what is needed more than what I want or would prefer in cases like that.
Yes, I did find that I could figure out who I am & what my values are more when I wasn't constantly responding to the crap that existed in my life & I like what was inside wanting out so bad all those years. I had to fight for the successes I achieved all through my life so I learned to be a fighter when necessary. People in my life now don't see that side of me UNLESS they push an issue I know is important to me. Then they find out the hard way.
That is why I wonder how much of our easily influenced personality is nature. But we can always nurture a change. That takes time & patience & an idea of what we want the change to be in the first place....& not so easy when there is someone else in our life fighting the change
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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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