I have always taken the road that has presented itself to me and seems an easy, good one. I never went looking to get what I wanted. If my mother did not want me to do it, she subtly and not so subtly took the wind out of my sails and stopped me from pursuing it. She only approved me doing what she wanted for me. This is the foundation of me learning to not follow my own dreams, a disapproving mother.

Now, Eskie, conquered that with her strong will. I towed the line.

I can’t think of anything I really wanted that I pursued!

I had crushes on a couple guys and ‘chased’ after them, but they didn’t feel quite the same about me, so I went with the ones who wanted me (that I particularly didn’t want). Why did I feel I had to go with any of the ones I didn’t want? I guess because I knew it was my ticket out. Mom wasn’t going to have it any other way. She taught me to be dependent, and I stupidly obeyed. I could have been more like Eskie. Good for you, Eskie!

The Melinda Gates divorce really hit a chord with me. While, yeah, she has all the money in the world, I am not destitute! And she’s my age. Does she look like a washed-up middle-aged over-the-hill…you know what I’m getting at. This is all my insecurity talking of how society tells us women of a certain age we are nothing!