L has answered what her experience with sui is. She hasn't given me any specifics, but I never asked for it yet. The conversation will continue on Friday.

She already is a reason I fight to live. But I want to live for more than just her, my dogs, and a few other people. I want to live because I want to live. And I think/hope that if I understood its affects better, then maybe the times I am sui won't be so hard/tempting.