I discussed it with long term T. We realized it was not about me wanting to die but for the emotional pain to stop. She knee my children were the most important thing in my life. One time when I told her that the thought were verI persistent and I was fighting thre thoughs. tWhenever she had clients who were suicidal she asked them to writet a goodbye letter to their children. That way in the even that they did SU she would have something tangible to give to the children when the started asking why. She realized that while I may have the thoughts I will never do it.

When she spoke to my current T she told her that while I may have the thoughts, she always knew I could never do it. She also told her if I bring up the subject to mention my children. So now if it happens she weaves my kids into thr conversation.