My SI is definitely to escape the pain. There are definitely things I love and appreciate about life. It's when the pain feels unbearable or I feel trapped, it's my coping mechanism to go to sui.

Also L helped me figure out that my SH is when I feel my pain is not being heard. Might be why having two good Ts (T and L) who have listened to me, has helped me not SH. (Unlike ex-T who always threatened hospitalization).