I'm not sure exactly when I became so different from other members of my family. My maternal grandmother could never make up her mind on something, an attitude she passed on to my mother and aunt. Perhaps it became more noticeable when, age 16, I went to college. Stepfather didn't think my grades were good enough for anything other than working in a shop. Starting work at 19 and mixing with adults was the turning point. I was listening to different opinions, some well-meant, others not.

Am I easily influenced by others? Mostly not. People have let me down; relatives and friends. My relationship with my mother is poor because she can no longer influence or even manipulate me. Recently I met an amazing man on a hobby website. We've talked privately by e-mail and he's opened some of the doors that I'd firmly locked. He's never told me what to do, just offered a different "angle" when I've sought advice.

One of the side effects is those emotions I had firmly under control are now very much to the fore. I'm seeing things differently. I've cried more in the past few months than in the years before and sometimes I don't know the trigger. Have realised that relatives may have a different (and unacceptable) agenda for wanting you to follow their influence.

As my new friend said "listen to your inner voice. It may be quite loud or so quiet you have to strain to hear it". I think this can be translated as your gut feeling. Hope this makes sense!