So Sorry for your Loss! Please do not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters in that it seems like you've been through a lot, and that the pandemic isn't Helping probably. i'd say just try to take things one step at the time although i recognize it can be hard. It seems like you're already aware of that and that is good i think. i Hope things will improve soon. i think that leaving your apartment for a bit may Help as well. Hugs. Sorry if my post isn't really useful. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Rose76, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!