Thanks, MC. Today has been bad. I feel defeated. Yes - the past year has been a lot. COVID wrecked me having a normal progress through the stages of grief. As the pandemic lasted a d lasted, I got more and more terrified of catching it. I watched my boyfriend die of acute respiratory failure, which he fought against . . . and I fought against, hooking him up to 2 sources of oxygen during the last hour. He seemed conscious that he was being robbed of taking a good breath. That's a bad way to go. So I fear whatever my threaten my breathing. So I've isolated pretty severely. Today is the last day of that. But I think this just went on too long.

I didn't get out of the house today. I've done nothing, but wish I was done with this life. (No self-harm intended.) My chronic aches and soreness are particularly troubling today. Just spent 90 min. soaking in a hot tub for that. I just feel worse.

I have to go bring in the trash barrel from the street. I should have done that yesterday. I already took 2 pain pills today. If I take another now, I'll be robbing it from another day, which I'll regret.

Very bad spells don't last forever. I remind myself of that now. This miserableness will pass. It's been too long I've been so down.