So about a month ago, I had a major breakthrough in my work with my therapist. It’s been very trying emotionally, but my therapist and I agreed that this was my brain’s way of signaling that I was ready to delve into some trauma work that I’d really struggled with in the past. My therapist knew the magnitude of the effect this would have on me, so he did many things recently that I would view as beyond the traditional scope of therapy. Here’s everything I remember:

• Proactively offered me an extra session
• Gave me permission to reach out over the weekend if I was struggling
• When I texted him Sunday evening after a breakdown, he insisted meeting with me Sunday night
• Drove me to the hospital when deemed IP was necessary
• Sat with me in the waiting room until I was taken back to a bed
• Drove to my house to pick up my husband and then drove him to our car at the office
• Tried multiple times (unsuccessfully) to try to meet with me while I was IP.
• Once out of the hospital, met with me for two 2-hour sessions to process as much as possible
• These sessions were from 7pm-9pm on consecutive days
• He chose to only bill my insurance for 1 hour for these sessions.
• Followed me home the night that I drove myself to session
• Walked me to my car when my husband drove me the next night

Everything that he did was either his offer or at his insistence. Like I argued against him driving my husband to our car, because I was afraid about what they would talk about and I was unable to be present. Overall, I feel both a deep gratitude toward my therapist for being invested in my safety and success and a profound sense of shame. I don’t feel like I’m worth all of the personal sacrifice on the part of my therapist. He has said multiple times that he isn’t doing anything he doesn’t feel comfortable doing, nor would he do any of what he has were I not clearly dedicated to putting in the work in my therapy.

There’s also an element of this where I’m concerned that my therapist is not taking care of himself in all of this. I know that he doesn’t have a family at home (like partner, children, etc.) so I wonder if he’s more willing to put his work first when someone else might not have that ability. My father was a workaholic and I saw the profound negative impact that had on him, so I don’t want the same thing to happen to my therapist.

I’m wondering if I should bring up my concerns about the situation in session. Up to this point I’ve been continuously appreciative, and at times argumentative that he’s doing too much. We did touch on the shame since this evening, but that didn’t really allay my shame. I guess other than support and understanding, I’m interested how you would handle this situation or something similar. Thanks for reading this novella if you’ve made it to this point.