When two worlds collide, with the stress of the PTSD, I want to end all the pain,

Trigger Warning: I took a blade to my arm today, to drain the pain away. I have no words for how I feel. I just feel so drained by it all. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. it feels intense and the memories are so haunting. I don't know how much more of this I can deal with.

Why does it hurt so much, why can't I end the pain, accept the pain and let go of it. Self-Harm is really an addiction that is hard to break, when the feelings so low, sometimes the symptoms of PTSD leave me feeling numb and empty, then the need to feel something, just anything appears. I also feel ashamed of my body, its experiences and everything it went through.