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Originally Posted by Alive99
Yeah...I'm curious, have you ever had the issue where you only felt better for a short time before it started to feel like it required too much energy of you to keep feeling "up" / energetic, etc etc? Because I had that issue even with the most basic things like dressing up. It lifting me up quickly started to feel bad for me. Tiring, or just unpleasant how much "extra" energy it required... idk. I'm past that issue for dressing up, thank god. But I'm not past it for many other things yet. Especially with work (remote work). Ugh. It's a big problem for me.
It's like I keep myself "understimulated" for pretty long every day and then getting and then remaining "stimulated" (in fact, just a normal energy level) feels too hard. I've told myself to try and not let myself fall back into the "understimulated" depressive stuff after breakfast, but I somehow don't seem to be able to manage that yet. (Getting dressed up, hygiene routine, breakfast - these keep me "stimulated"/allow me a normal energy level in a way I am decently used to now, but I can't make that jump from there after breakfast, to go start work and I instead fall back for a long time)
I don't know if this is relevant to OP because I think this only gets this bad - trouble maintaining the good, stimulated mood/energy level rather than enjoying it - if you've had dysthymia/depression for long enough. Plus I've had cPTSD (after letting myself being sucked dry by a couple of vampires, too) and that may affect it too. But I wonder if any of you relate. If it's okay to ask here. Maybe it helps OP too even if she only has a milder (?) version of this.
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I’ve spend years participating in these forums. Many people talk about their depression being something they just feel, not cause from any specific issue, and they don’t feel like showering, cleaning, etc… They are so depressed they are not functioning normal daily activities.
My experience is different. I am depressed from a relationship situation. Without that trigger, I am a functional, happy person. No matter how down my situation makes me, I always take care of daily necessities. No one else will do it! It’s my job to cook, clean, care for kids (who are all grown now), etc… I am always wanting to do some activity and distraction, I’d love for someone to suggest it and lift me out of the funk! It’s usually me that lifts myself, and lifts everyone else too.
I was diagnosed with unspecified mood disorder. That may mean Major Depressive Disorder or it could mean Bipolar, according to my research about what the diagnosis means. I had to research it myself because the doctors won’t even explain it to me. I only saw the diagnosis because the doctor showed me my chart and there it was, which I noticed, and when I asked him what it means, he wouldn’t even explain. As you can see, I am totally frustrated with the doctors and don’t see them anymore.
Long story short, I haven’t felt I look good over the past couple years. This disparaging relationship and some trauma with a few other ones, has me feeling so down, I don’t care to dress and wear make up or go anywhere, plus, it’s been a pandemic, so no where to go anyway. I have always bathed and cleaned though. Not a great keeper of the home, but adequate.
But, lately, when I have had the up feelings enough to go the extra step to dress nice and spruce up a little, I have felt I look much better and it makes me feel better for that day.