Hey Jai-Jai

I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now. I don't have PTSD so I don't really understand flashbacks except for what I understand intellectually about them, but I don't really know how it feels to experience one. I am sorry you are going through this. You don't deserve it and it wasn't your fault.


I'm sorry it got to the point where you felt you needed to self harm. I know you are doing the absolute best that you can and self harm IS a coping mechanism. Maybe not the best or healthiest but it does work in the moment. In time I am sure you will find healthier ways to deal with the PTSD and all that it is bringing with it. In the meantime be gentle with yourself. You said you felt drained. Maybe take a nap today. Or do something that energizes you like go for a walk. Whatever you do, be gentle with yourself. You've been through enough and your body has been through enough and you need a way to settle in yourself so that it isn't so overwhelming. Do something soothing. Give yourself a hug. Place your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand under your right armpit and squeeze. Do some imaging. Imagine yourself in a field of flowers. Laying there in the sun, enjoying watching the clouds roll by. Without the bugs bothering you of course. Let your furry one come and snuggle with you and lick on you and comfort you.


Self harm is really hard to break. You did it before and I believe you will do it again once it stops serving it's purpose. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Soothing hugs, Kit