I talked myself out of being so angry at his hurtful comment. “You don’t get along with anybody”. All he says about it is he shouldn’t have said it and it isn’t true. He just did a knee-jerk reaction to hurt me because I had a new idea after we had decided on a plan.

Honestly, I had to go back and re-read this thread to remember what prompted him to give me the nasty comment. So much happens with him, I don’t even remember what happened yesterday. It’s rapid-fire dysfunction and I’m punch drunk.

I don’t feel like he’s done anything to me bad enough to justify me ending it and leaving in anger. I keep going back and forth from feeling optimistic like we can get on a normal track to we have to end it to save our sanity. I don’t trust myself anymore because I know I get the fight/flight response and say it’s over but then I turn around and say I want it to work.

Meanwhile, he keeps doing the same exact triggering behaviors to me that I have told him infinite times I can’t stand. I have a traumatic reaction every time he does it and he never learns! I back down and keep forgiving him. I honestly don’t think he does it with bad intent. He simply is who he is and no matter how I can’t stand the specific things he does he is going to keep doing them. I am going to keep getting triggered. We are going to keep fighting. Then I am going to keep backing down and saying I want it to work. Then he is going to say he wants that too. But it will never last more than a day or so!

I can keep praying. I keep saying the Serenity Prayer. I can try to stay calm when he does the triggering behavior and not respond, but we will never really enjoy each other as long as this persists.

There is so much good about him. I don’t talk about how good he is much on here. I only rant when I’m upset. Lord help me see the good and not respond to how much he triggers me.

I’m not leaving him. I won’t keep kidding myself and seeking support from you very confident folks. I am too terrified. I have a disorder. I believe the psy who told me I’d probably never be happy with anybody. So, I am blessed to have a nice man who is willing to put up with me.