Yes. It seems like, it could be helpful to categorise which things are triggering to you and which things are triggering to him. And find a way to avoid those. Or it could be impossible to avoid them, and then it would really be an incompatible and unsustainable relationship.

But I am concerned about this post of yours here, because it to me does feel like a toxic pattern in the relationship (without necessarily blaming anyone really). You could seek out resources, books on those relationships. I think it would really be helpful for you. I was in such a relationship before.

Basically, if you regularly feel like you have to end this to save the sanity of the both of you, that to me qualifies as toxic, unfortunately.

And then there is that part to toxic relationships where people are stuck and want to keep trying to make it work. That is very familar to me too. VERY. It's especially negative and draining if you are the only one person really trying. But it's still toxic if both of you are honestly trying. It reminds me of trauma bond, too (you can look this up too, there are good books on it).



One more comment here. Please do not kill your anger, I am sure it has a valid message for you, you just would want to figure out what it is. But to me it sounds like it signalled the extreme boundary violation. As he knew that that psychiatrist told you that *****, yeah? Don't allow yourself to minimise the issue and don't minimise yourself along with it. If that made sense. I hope this helps. It is just my own personal experience, that anger designed to protect you has valid messages, you just have to process it on your own first.


He was able to take responsibility for it afterwards, which to me sounds like a good thing yes. As far as his personality not being full-on disordered if he is able to take responsibility. Unfortunately it doesn't necessarily make the relationship itself less toxic.

I'm not religious, so I hope what I'm going to say here is okay (feel free to let me know if you are bothered by anything, though). So, I just don't think God would want you to keep suffering in a toxic relationship.

And yes, I'm sure he has a good side. Like the way he was able to take responsibility for his hurtful and manipulative or hateful behaviour (to me it does seem that way, my personal opinion).

And this is where I really wanted to post IMMEDIATELY. I was about to wind down for the night (and I'm going to bed after this post) but I saw this and I felt like this is very serious. If you frequently have thoughts like this then you are letting your self-esteem erode, and that's just an absolutely big no no long-term. Whatever he is doing to make you feel this way it's NOT OKAY. Whatever he's doing to make you feel drained is NOT OKAY.

Again, he may have good traits, yes, but if you two are fundamentally incompatible, it's going to bring out the worst sides of at least one of you. Especially under extra stress, but in everyday life too. If you try harder than him at all this then it will bring out his worst side more than yours. Simply because you would be trying to avoid your own worst side coming out and putting in a lot of effort for that, while he may not be doing as much effort for it himself. (And then is he really a special, very nice man? More nice than average?) But that will mean you really make yourself drained and let your self-esteem erode and let your energy drain away long-term. It's a gradual process. Please do not allow that to happen to yourself!

I HOPE this helped some. Please, do not let yourself get stuck this deep, and come back and become empowered like you had nice goals before. And if it has to mean ending the relationship, then that's just what it is. I really wish you good luck to whatever you decide to do to preserve your fundamental well-being!