I am in a domestic violence shelter now, I have been there for almost a month. I was in a behavioral health hospital for two weeks due to SI. My husband, who I will be finally divorcing him 100%, had been completely oblivious of how he had been treating me. He's been manipulative, gaslight me, treats me like crap, disregarded my feelings for years. He claimed to love me and wanted to be a better husband and wanted to take care of me.

Had he not for the past 8 years had that opportunity? Did he not have 8 years to realize what he was doing? No of course not. No, I'm too stupid to know how to care for myself, I'm too inept to realize what hurtful things people are doing to me.

He will be given the order of protection from the police, he will be given the divorce papers. I'm done.

Oh, but we had all these plans we meant to have. But we were doing so much better, but what about our cat? I can't work or take care of myself (note that he had been by himself for nearly two months. Bs.) I need someone to take care of me. I'll kill myself if you leave me.

Not my problem. Sounds horrible I know, but I did everything for him, which cost me my income, my sanity, my time, my energy and more. I don't deserve that.

I do want to see my cat again, I hope I can as well as get all of my stuff out of the apartment. I have a case manager as well as my parents helping me. Yay.

I do want to be in a relationship, but I need to heal and I don't want to be in another abusive relationship. So, advice?

Also I just got myself a new job, but even through I have the apartment which is in my name, I can't pay rent to it I can't get government help and I don't want to go back with him. So I may try finding someone or some family who'll take me in. I'll pay rent. Once the money comes in.

I don't know if this is normal, but despite wanting to divorce and never see him again, I partially so love him and I am sorry for him. But I was never happy and it's time to move on.