I may have done something dumb. As in, I stopped the evening zyprexa a couple of days ago and didn’t take my morning dose today. I am just so worried about gaining all the weight + more possibly. But today I am on the down side and anxiety ridden. I can’t tell if I’m freaking myself out or if I am genuinely on the way to paranoia again. And I don’t want to go back there. So I guess I’m going to just have to take it until I meet with my pdoc in the program on Tuesday and get them to take me off. I don’t want to take the chance of being stuck in my room under my weighted blanket because I’m too scared to leave.

I should get a pedicure too, just with clear polish because I hate the upkeep. But at the same time I always feel kinda guilty. Like I don’t deserve the pleasure at the obvious expense of someone else’s comfort. I might do it though. I dunno.