That idea worked for now I first needed to rest on Friday because of how late I got to bed in the morning. Plus I got bad memories coming up (reworked some of the memories emotionally I think...). So I didn't do much. But Saturday was decent.... I got up and felt more energy than usual. Then I did my 15mins run and then I went to get my vaccine finally and then I was able to work like 2.5 hours (in parts) in the late afternoon/evening. It didn't feel too easy but it was doable. And I was doing it at a decent speed too. Way better than say, half a year ago. My concentration was not at its best but it was actually pretty decent, I just felt I had to work hard at maintaining it, but doable with 30min rests, yes. Then when eventually I felt better (and it being evening helped too but it was pretty early evening compared to how it usually is for me with being able to work), I was able to do 15mins instead of 30mins for a break and could work for 45-45mins instead of 30-30mins.

I'm very sure that doing the work/tasks with *realistic expectations* for my depressed/low energy state helps me feel better after a while. (I just used to be so disconnected that I was not able to even feel what's realistic... I'm a lot better by now) I also noticed that if I don't expect enough from myself though then I will feel like sinking back in the low energy. But I can pull myself out of it pretty fast, is what I experienced today. Weird. Just really tricky finding that balance overall, after the first 30mins I felt like I was working too hard, the 30mins rest did wonders, I guess. And by the end I felt like going on and doing more work. But then since it was evening I told myself to stop. I can do the rest tomorrow. Then go back to the big bad task. lol (That I posted about in another thread of mine...I've got through the wall between me and that task, so I'm ready to continue with it!)


About to go to bed now, earlier than I've been doing it in the last few days/weeks. The idea, I would like to see if I can try it right after breakfast too, tomorrow. And then if it keeps working for several days I will post more on what the idea was... just because maybe it would help others too. It does require you facing how it's much harder to do things than when you were your "normal self" before the depression. But it's okay for me.

My only little concern is whether there are more bad memories in store or not that will want to pull me down. But I hope not. This one too I dealt with it by knowing it's not even real anymore, it's in the past and all that. I was able to just go teleported back in time on Friday morning... I relived a horrible conversation and I felt like it rewrote my memories and understanding, interpretation of the whole situation. Taking in the hard reality of it all. Which does take energy and I do have to get over the negative emotions coming from it but I feel like I do not believe what they are telling me, I'm able to look past the negativity and see life for what it is, how I used to see and experience it (with a little more knowledge on some things than before, though).

I just hope there are not too many more memories like that. Thanks to the Friday morning processing, I made a vow that I will not re-read or revisit in any other way any of these conversations and happenings. I don't think I would be able to get more out of them now. Even if they come up, I can just push them away, knowing that it would not give me more useful information or understanding, and would just pull me down. I feel like I can push away things like that. It's hard to do that but it wasn't even doable before! So there's improvement lol