Hi everyone! I haven't posted in a long time, minus the "Dear T" thread. I still read and catch up on everyone though

This past session, we got on the topic of our relationship. Besides talking about sex, this would be my least favorite and most anxiety-producing topic to talk about. I don't think we've ever talked so specifically and open about the relationship between T and me.

She told me that the type of therapy she practices, is all about the relationship, and I went 'Ewww, gross." (so mature, I know). She asked me what was so gross about it, and I said that talking about it hits too close to the heart. She agreed and said that it is touching on my "original wound," of attachment trauma.

We moved on a bit, but at the end of the session I knew I wanted to tell her that I care about her and our relationship together. It was SO hard to do. I told her that thinking about this topic makes me want to cry my eyes out (and I don't cry and never have in the nearly 6 years we've been together). She said it was a good thing. I am human and humans need to feel cared for.

I struggle with that, because if I could have my way I wouldn't have any emotions around this topic, and would never have to feel vulnerable again. She said if that was true, I would have stopped therapy a long time ago. There is a reason I keep coming back.

That is when I managed to tell her that I cared about her. Eek! Her response was "I hope so! What is the point of all of this if we don't care about eachother?"

Hmmm. I still don't actually believe my T would care about me. Why would she? Yes, she has gone above and beyond (in my opinion) here and there to help me, but that is her role as a T.

ANYWAY--Have you told your T that you care about them? How did it go? How did your T respond, and did you believe them?