Dear @MickeyCheeky

I am suffering from similar issues, not same , all have their own battles. And emphasize on the world battles. Because it is a battle, and that infers you need to fight it. Or more importantly you have to say “ I decide to fight, and take control of my life” , by this I mean to suggest that this expression will help place yourself in a position of power. Stop using the word “ I need to..” and rather switch to “ I decide too step up to the next level...” .
But here is the pickle, we are comfortable or rather wrongly think that giving up or not doing anything and staying where we are and feeling sorry for ourselves is comfortable place. Please also understand that I say this repeatedly to myself as well, and I see things you write in my self too. And I have suffer now this as you do despite or likely and may be significant age difference , but mental illness is a reality and it does not discriminate in age. And it started when we were born because I think is partly in the DNA and partly the society, and partly the individual.
I lived University in an age with no Internet, and I was not exposed to so much information as you may be, 300 channels tv, Internet attached to your watch, to your phone, to everything you do.
Mickey you know my story more or less, I live in Tokyo, came 21 years ago to get a MS in Finance, met a JP girl and married had kids, she was the love of my life and I was in charge of M&A integration of two huge Insurance companies, lots of stress, backstabbing, corporate cut throat competition and on top of this the actual work, this on the professional front, on the private front since I m colored I am exposed to 24x7 racism by JP, they think here they are white, and is not the melting pot that USA is. Though I’m Latin American. I feel as much American as any, my great grand father came from Spain to Venezuela and worked himself as a farmer and then my family was poor my Dad studied hard and developed a career the IBM the great blue and gave me the gift to live in US New York and study in English no clue did nor understand a word, but picked it up , this was 1984 to 1987 and I enjoy snow for first time and movies, and just loved every minute. The world was simple or may be I was too young.
But my dad was very impulsive and harsh on me sometimes and physical. But that was very much his upbringing it was like this. Catholic... not all is good.
Had good and bad experiences in my life, and is always a fight. And now there is so much information you can be exposed to the danger of your information being misused. So this social paranoia starts.
And I am a danger no one knows who I am , can be African, Asian , Middle East, and South American no one would know. All they know is that they have fear of me or see me as inferior, but I fight this. My sister is schizophrenic and I believe this developed and she already had this disease, but she would have been better if we knew earlier.


See

I don’t pretend to know you, but as a friend and as someone who cares for people with mental issues. I just share my experiences as open book. And I want to tell you your too young to be suffering this, you need to start of using Louise Hays, Tony Robbins, or so many mentors, find yourself a solution and get the help. And find what you really want to do, because if you are not doing well at the University is may be because you do not like what you are studying. Find yourself and love yourself

Let’s start with self love.

Blessings from Tokyo

Many hugs

EO

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