I've seen several T's over the years and I've never been under any doubt that each of them cared in their own way, on a very human level. Out of the four main T's, I told three that I cared about them, and each of the T's responded with the utmost respect and empathy. Two of the three T's, which includes current T, work on the premise that the relationship/attachment IS the work together and is what heals at the end of the day, so talking about the relationship is a big thing to them. It is scary for me especially with current T because our relationship has a lot more meaning and depth than with any other T but at the same time talking about it is healing, both because of what I receive from T and because it brings up what I didn't get as a child and allows me to grieve. There's nothing that feels out of bounds to talk about, even when my feelings are confused and/or deeply needy. She always accepts them. T goes above and beyond for me in various ways that I prefer to keep private, but it leaves me in no doubt that she cares deeply and that I'm truly blessed to have found someone like her.

Interesting! Never had this conversation with my T. Recently my T had a family emergency in another State. The hospital provided him with a private office with WIFi so he could 'work'. Asked how his brother-in-law was doing. He gave me some general info. My T has a serious heart problem, well controlled. But during our session, he laid his head back. Very unusual. Just blurted out: Are you OK? Do you want to end early? He said no. His sleep schedule was just upset as a family member was staying with patient 24/7.

Afterwards felt weird that I did that. It was none of my business. Kept reminding myself that I am paying him to be my therapist. He's not my friend. He talks with me 3 hours a week. Specific times and length of time. He has 'professional' caring. Can call otherwise in an emergency but not just cuz I want to talk something over.

How do you all draw the professional line from caring for each other?

So the first time I told my current T that I cared about him, I want to say it was within the first year of seeing him. And he responded with, "You can't care about me! You don't even know me!" And that was...very difficult. It felt invalidating. I said how I care about a lot of people that maybe I only know in a certain way, like, say, neighbors.

Maybe a year later I mentioned caring about him and brought up what he'd said before. That time, he said he understood it, because he felt like I did know him pretty well by then. And I think he said something like it was OK and that it made sense that I cared about him. That certainly felt better than the time before. (Now, my asking if he cared about me...that's its own long story, which I can share in a separate post if you want. It led to a bit of a rupture at one point actually. But I didn't think that was what you were asking about here).

With my former marriage counselor, when I knew his wife was sick, at one point, I told him I cared about him. Maybe in the sense that I was concerned about whether he was doing OK? (This was like 4 or 5 years ago.) And he said that if I cared about him, that meant he was doing something wrong, because the care is only supposed to go one way in a therapy relationship (from client to therapist). Which also made me feel invalidated... I said something about how I was just a caring person in general. And he seemed to kind of accept that? Though we ended up having a brief phone conversation that night because I still felt bad about it.

So...I don't have the best history in this area. I forget if I ever told ex-T.

I did not tell a therapist I cared about them because I didn't care about them any more than any other random stranger. I did not find them caring either. I did not feel cared for or about with either of the women. I don't even understand how it would with one of those people- I did not know them and they did not know me. I do with real people in my life but not those people.

I haven’t told him I care about him and probably never will even though I do, as I’m pretty sure I would be met with silence or a response like LonesomeTonight got ‘you can’t care about me as you don’t know me.’ My T reveals very little about himself, I only know he is married and has kids because I looked him up on social media. I’ve no idea about any of his likes or dislikes. He is very much a blank canvas which I’ve told him I struggle with. But last week he did tell me he was in pain due to a bad back, so he may need to stand up and walk around for a little while. I know this will make me want to ask him when I see him next how his back is, but he would view this as overstepping boundaries, but to me it’s just a way to show I care.
I also wouldn’t tell him I care about him because I worry he would automatically assume there was more to it and think there was some romantic connotation to it which is definitely not the case at all. My transference is all paternal based but I get the impression he sometimes thinks I have romantic transference towards him.