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Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind
I came here to vent and I dont care if when you read this it causes you to feel I dont have a right to talk about the things I am or feel the way I am. That's been my past few experiences here but I just don't rightly care anymore. Wanna judge someone? Start with yourself! You here to help? Then red all the way through and never once tell me what I should or should not say or feel!
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I can see what you mean. It's a problem especially with processing issues psychologically. People definitely are not always able to avoid invalidating emotions even accidentally. Even if they mean well. It would be hard to always avoid that, as no one is a true mindreader. I think as long as someone listens to you mentioning you feel a problem with that, it's okay. It totally helps also with better "mindreading" if you state upfront what you need, e.g. "this is a vent, I don't need feedback, just hear me out". Etc.
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Every so often my husband goes through times when literally saying hi to him is enough to piss him off. Hes going through that right now. But I had a bad time with ppl on Facebook last night and needed to talk about it. I told him that people are going nuts on Facebook. He asked why .. so I explained. He was actually nice and not hateful and made me feel better. Now, hours later, he let's me know hes been sitting and building anger over me venting to him all day. I complimented him bc his feet are looking healthier than usual "well I will just go to bed and you wont have to see me!" Those outbursts are acceptable but me talking about bad experiences i have are not? Or complimenting him? I am stressing so hard and I seriously dont think anyone cares. Most of you here don't know me anymore anyway so you likely dont care either but I needed to vent the only way I can. And do not tell me to leave him. That's not helping. That's just a way of causing more pain. If you are gonna try to help ... tell me how to be able to communicate with him or how to vent. Dont tell me how to live my life though. I figure that out on my own.
Anyway done.
Hate me or not, whatever.
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And here is why I said all the above er, preface. So firstoff, yeah, I don't think you wrote anything that should cause anyone to hate you (if they do over this post they've got their own unrecognised problem but it's like 99.99% of people won't hate you over this post).
So you ask how to get communication working when your husband is like that going through such a period (the male period, right?
). Tbh I think with relationships at least for me the saying about recognising what we can change and what we can't totally applies, lol. So yeah, I think it's like, it doesn't look like he's even got his NORMAL capacity when he's being like that, let alone learn some more productive behaviour while he's like that. Avoiding issues that currently can't be solved (can be solved maybe later, maybe never), if avoiding is an option, it helps with relationship quality a lot. Like plain giving him space while he's like that.
You ask about how to talk out/vent about stuff tho' when he's got his er, period. IMO, if you can find friends who will hear you out, instead of expecting him to take care of this need, it can help. It's one way to avoid the issue as per the above guideline. Or you can try and journal about it, sometimes that can work too. Or act out the anger (when you are alone?) in some way, yea, like another post mentioned. There's also free emotional support chats online, on this forum too, 7cups, etc.
Hope this helps.
Btw, when you complimented him, did you tell him "your feet look healthier than usual"? Or "your feet look so healthy"? Not sure I followed that comment.