Thread: Disengaging
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TishaBuv
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Default May 16, 2021 at 04:54 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidfle View Post
Working on the opposite response...not all willingly. Was taught as a child that anger was not acceptable. As I grew up was told don't get angry. Be quiet, hold it in, walk away, that's being a responsible adult. The tail I was told was by our neighbor who had totally redecorated her formal dining room. Her husband made a sarcastic comment. She picked up a big plate of spaghetti and threw it at him. He ducked. Plate hit wall, spread all over new carpet and newly redone chairs. See anger accomplished nothing.

Now after years of therapy the anger is pouring out all over. Never learned how to ameliorate anger. My T compares it to learning to tie a shoe. More complicated then it seems. But learning to do so eliminates triggers. Not avoid them, not deny them, not build up the anger inside.
What would you teach your child now about feeling anger?

I’d validate that we feel feelings and that makes us human. It’s usually best to not act out in anger and avoid a confrontation usually. But sometimes, I’d say there’s no holding back. If someone was attacking one of my kids, I’d be a raging mama bear to protect them.

Did the spaghetti look better on the wall than the redecorating she originally did?

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