I figured this out spontaneously..... I have had cPTSD from two traumatic relationships. Long story. But where it led me:



- With one of them I often feel like I cannot believe in the (any) meaning of romantic relationships. In their future. Cannot be like, commit to that feeling or even feel it.

- With the other one I feel like I cannot be open to anyone emotionally (except a bit with maybe 1-2 family members). Cannot be like, truly open spontaneously.


All this fluctuates of course, I mean the first issue. I am actually dating/in a relationship now so that just fluctuates. I keep telling myself, I'll figure it out. But I haven't really faced it, no.

The second one I am not sure about... it is the newer one, I realised it today. And then I remembered I didn't yet deal with the first one either though that one seems less deep emotionally to me.

So the new one, the second issue... I feel like, this helps me avoid some extremely, extremely bad triggers. But it means I cannot have another "emotionally intimate relationship". I don't know. It just feels like I would have so bad triggers even if I tried.

And I'd obviously want to avoid those triggers. So it makes me totally feel like I just cannot be open, no.

Has anyone else ever had beliefs like these, and how did you get past them?

I know it's common for "emotionally damaged people" to have these beliefs but it's just really strange for me to experience them so up close, being so aware of them and their effect.