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Originally Posted by Alive99
I can see what you mean. It's a problem especially with processing issues psychologically. People definitely are not always able to avoid invalidating emotions even accidentally. Even if they mean well. It would be hard to always avoid that, as no one is a true mindreader. I think as long as someone listens to you mentioning you feel a problem with that, it's okay. It totally helps also with better "mindreading" if you state upfront what you need, e.g. "this is a vent, I don't need feedback, just hear me out". Etc.
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Honestly the reason I am so freaked out about ppl judging me here is bc the last several times when I posted things that were not upbeat, I got lectured on how ppl here don't need to hear about my problems, they got enough of their own that people come here to learn to deal with their issues in a positive way so unless I wanted to post something positive, the likelihood is nobody is going to respond. Since I have been coming here for years and truly used to post only really depressed things, that was a shocker. As a result, I started going solely to the forum for people that have been here for many years. This is me giving this forum another chance .. but still very nervous in so doing.
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And here is why I said all the above er, preface. So firstoff, yeah, I don't think you wrote anything that should cause anyone to hate you (if they do over this post they've got their own unrecognised problem but it's like 99.99% of people won't hate you over this post).
So you ask how to get communication working when your husband is like that going through such a period (the male period, right?  ). Tbh I think with relationships at least for me the saying about recognising what we can change and what we can't totally applies, lol. So yeah, I think it's like, it doesn't look like he's even got his NORMAL capacity when he's being like that, let alone learn some more productive behaviour while he's like that. Avoiding issues that currently can't be solved (can be solved maybe later, maybe never), if avoiding is an option, it helps with relationship quality a lot. Like plain giving him space while he's like that.
You ask about how to talk out/vent about stuff tho' when he's got his er, period. IMO, if you can find friends who will hear you out, instead of expecting him to take care of this need, it can help. It's one way to avoid the issue as per the above guideline. Or you can try and journal about it, sometimes that can work too. Or act out the anger (when you are alone?) in some way, yea, like another post mentioned. There's also free emotional support chats online, on this forum too, 7cups, etc.
Hope this helps.
Btw, when you complimented him, did you tell him "your feet look healthier than usual"? Or "your feet look so healthy"? Not sure I followed that comment.
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As far as his phrases.. I think it's more to do with his own mental health issues and the fact he is in pain than it is the "man cycle". Also, neither he nor I care for the people around here so the only friends I have are online and for whatever reason at the time i wrote this, my online friends were getting mad at me for things that still make no sense to me.
An example - a man I do not know (but is a friend of one of my friends) saw a post I had commented on that was posted by our mutual friend. Apparently, she had shared his post so he thought it was his post. The problem was that our mutual friend had posted a rant that was based upon someone else's post describing the type of person they enjoy having sexual relations with. In my comment, I referenced that particular post to our mutual friend. So this man, decided to call me rude and crude and a bunch of other things. Then he realized his err (that it was not his post, but our mutual friend's post) and deleted the comment. But I had seen it and it upset me .. so Inasked for an apology. The dude just got more aggressive and insulting. I tried talking to him about it on his page rather than hers but he kept deleting my comments and then going back to her post to comment on .. so I conversed with him there. In the end, he simply blocked me rather than apologize, which was fine. I messaged her to apologize for blowing up her post. She got furious with me and started calling me ridiculous and etc. Them she blocked me too. She was a friend of over 5 yrs. So me defending myself and requesting an apology was "wrong" in her mind. Wrong enough to end a 5yr+ friendship over. I don't understand that.
So I was reluctant to speak to them but still needed to talk. My husband got weird like I explained in the post. So I reluctantly came here.
As far as how I complimented him, my exact words were "I can't get over how much better your feet look!"
Does that help understand the situation?