Guess I haven't checked in for about a month.

Having a rough time presently. Went off the nicotine patch 3 weeks ago. Have had horrible insomnia for 3 weeks. My sleep hasn't been this bad in 10 years during a major episode and before I was diagnosed. If I actually fall asleep I can only stay asleep for an hour or two. I'm pretty much taking Ambien every night now. My anxiety has been really bad. Before I started the Ambien it would be physically uncomfortable to lay down and be still, so I'd pace around for literally hours. Raised my gabapentin dose way up for anxiety. My doctor won't write me for anymore clonazepam. He put me on clonidine but I'm scared to take it because it lowers blood pressure. Definitely starting to get depressed. Have burst in to tears here and there. So worried I'm going to get really bad. Also been breaking out and getting itchy for like 5 weeks now. I think the nicotine patches physically jacked me up.. now wishing I stopped with gum instead like before. On the positive side I've been off cigarettes 56 days now.

Took today off work but my son went to school, going to try to grocery shop and do chores since I've done nothing for 3 days. Tired and feel kinda crappy though. I hope I can do it.

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