I’m kinda blah today. The weather is pretty crappy and I didn’t sleep too well last night. I was a bit heavy on the melatonin last night because I wanted to sleep. Then I also took a couple Xanax because of my anxiety. I fell asleep fast at 7:30 and then I woke up at 11PM initially feeling great and very rested until I realized it was 11PM instead of 5AM. I don’t know why heavier doses of melatonin cause me to sleep badly. But Then my anxiety got going since this was the first night in the new house I was actually up for a lot of the night. I tried another melatonin, around 2 which made my anxiety worse. I then in a state of desperation took all 3 of my Xanax for the day at one time at 3:30. I woke up at 8:15 feeling kinda rested and without any side effects from all the meds. I was hungry though. I haven’t had any Xanax since and I think if I only take 1 today then that should even out how many I have left. I know I have enough to get me until I can get it refilled in a month, but I may have to take 2 a day instead of 3 or cut them in half towards the end of the bottle so I can make it last. If I can get it refilled a few days early then there would be no issue.

I’m also trying to cut back on my caffeine intake because of the anxiety but I’m also dealing with a caffeine addiction. Today I didn’t have any caffeine and I haven’t had any since yesterday morning so I wonder if that’s why I feel depressed and tired right now. But I don’t feel anxious so at least there’s that. I just have to figure out how to work with benzos and caffeine at the same time.

I see my therapist tomorrow in her office so I’m pretty excited about that. I just really hope she doesn’t do or say anything strange.