I hear you on your situation, and I'm glad this time around feels very different for you, whatever2013!

When it comes to BMI, you are correct that your number is notably higher than mine. You also have weight and physical fitness issues that I don't have. But note, there are many out there who look comparatively trim and seem quite active, but still are at great risk. My granddad died young of heart disease. He was trim and active, but his cholesterol and triglycerides were through the roof. He was far from alone. My brother has heart issues. My sister has diabetes type 2. A lot of the women in my family had diabetes type 2, including my grandma who died of kidney failure. Many in my family died from strokes. So far, I've avoided diabetes, but my cholesterol (especially) and triglycerides have been high for a while. My blood pressure became concernedly high a couple years ago. I am on a statin and blood pressure medication, and have been since my early 49th. I've had kidney damage for at least five or six years now, having to see a nephrologist. I understand that perhaps my genes played a part, perhaps a little bit being overweight (doesn't always take much), and perhaps (or likely) my bipolar medications - likely mostly Seroquel XR. Some other past bipolar medications weren't so helpful for my physical health, either. It sucks and adds another challenge for those with more significant weight issues. I'm not trying to compare people's situations/struggles. Just say that unwellness or wellness doesn't always reliably depend on set factors.

It can be scary how fragile life can be. I lost my mom when she was only 61 years old. My brother's life was at great risk because of heart issues, at only 54. My youngest nephew died by suicide because of bipolar depression, at only 24. Unpredictable. Now, fresh into my early 50s, I wonder what my future holds. I know that it requires a healthy combination of not being constantly anxious, and working hard to stay as well as possible. Again, in as many respects as possible. And yet, others seem to deal with so much (even so much more) and yet live very long lives. It's curious.