Thank you for the replies
So...
It is very frustrating, because i've been in trouble for almost ten years
I literally started to open up about what i've been only with her, this year after losing my father

I met her (current therapist) in 2017 -i was already very much in trouble because i had been unemployed for long- but she left me shortly after because she was pregnant
I was addressed to another psychoterapist (didn't click with her, she was kinda rude and I was in a cry mode panicking turning 30)
I re-contact the first therapist in 2019 after a bad climax and initially found it hard to open up sincerely about my life

I'm currently paralyzed and I refuse to accept what i've been, it's a nightmare
She's getting all the "i wish i did this/that", "i don't accept this" etc...

She is the only good (for me) therapist i've ever met in my life
In 2014 i had an experience but wasn't good...
Oh my