Acceptance. Upsetting things that happened are past. There’s no changing it. I am in limbo and learning to feel comfortable with that, and the unknown. I harbor no grudges, but those people are far removed from me. My obsessive need to have the kind of love I need from my h, is not ever going to be and I am tired of being triggered by the lack of it. I accept it is not possible. It is not who he is. I need it probably because I was emotionally neglected as a child, honestly, that’s where it stems from. I rationally understand it, but I still can’t diffuse the traumatic response to still being further neglected and I found just the right guy to keep on doing it to me. We bring people into our lives who are comfortable. So, emotionally unavailable is a never ending struggle. I am too scared and exhausted or depressed to really break free. Acceptance, unknown, futility, emptiness.