I was influenced by a book I read that said:
You have a right to have your needs met.
You have a right to your feelings.
You have a right to be respected.
You have a right to leave an unfixable situation (paraphrasing).

So, I took a stance to say enough is enough. But, I back down hours later. I am in back/forth limbo.

The influence that brings me back into it part compassion, part fear and self doubt.

If I read ‘you should go’, I want to go. If I hear, ‘you should stay’, I back down and say I will change myself so we can make it work. But my trigger is severe, rigid, pervasive, unchanging. However, I sunk far less deep and I bounced back much sooner than ever before. This swinging back/forth is getting less, at least.

My gf said, ‘He’s such a great guy! You’d regret it so much if you ended it.’ Nobody says I’m such a great gal.