@Soupe du jour

My meds make my birth control ineffective as well but I prefer to stay on so that I can have predictable periods. Without birth control I have no idea because it varies so widely. I’d just like to try something that might tackle at least the period-related depression! I hate being suicidal for three days for absolutely no reason at all.

My mood is still on the high side of positive but maybe this is my actual baseline and I’ve just been so unhappy and anxious because of past trauma that I couldn’t attain it. I’m talking to my family much more and doing things like sitting outside and stuff like that. I am quite irritable when I am in PHP groups but that’s just my general resistance to groups in the first place. I feel like I should have just gone back to work instead of doing another program. It’s really annoying. I feel like I don’t belong but at the same time it might be because everyone’s exactly like me and isn’t sharing the whole reason for being there. I don’t want to say I completely lost touch with reality for a week or so.

I’m doing that thing again though. You all know the one. Where you think you’re better, that the last episode really wasn’t that bad anyway, and you know better than any doctor so ditch the med you don’t like! Yeah. I don’t want to ditch everything, I do very well on the two mood stabilizers plus seroquel to sleep. But I don’t want a damn AP ( except to sleep)! I just don’t like the idea of needing an AP for an extended amount of time. I don’t know why. There’s nothing wrong with that really, nothing at all. I just don’t like it! I just started geodon too so there aren’t any noticeable side effects anyway.