You clearly never had the "luck" to be in a close relationship with any truly toxic and manipulative - and yes, shady - person before. I do hope you will never get to have that "luck".

Try to tell the person that almost got killed by such a person, that such "labels" make no sense.

They DO make sense when severe damage is done. I spent years trying to be sure if it's okay morally, if it's fair and accurate to "label" like this before I did decide to do so and it helped me, just like I described in the post of mine above.

There is a difference between a frequent and pervasive pattern vs an occasional behaviour. Only the former can be toxic. Also, there is a difference between an extreme behaviour that most people would never do, vs a behaviour that most people will do sometimes. Again, only the former can be toxic.

Please consider these distinctions. They address the concerns you've brought up about responsibility, fairness, labelling, etc.

I do not call "most people" toxic. Only the people that caused severe damage to me. There have not been many such people in my life, but even one such person is one too many.


Did this explain any better?



PS: I do agree with not overusing labels. Definitions, categories have to be used in an accurate enough manner.