Hello Mouse,

thanks for your thanks!

I know how hard it is for the partners. I see my wife coping with my disease day by day, and I am admiring her strength and patience and willingness to go through everything, and believe me, we had bad times together, and still we are not where we both want to be...

It took months and years of talk (and of arguing, of course), until we both got something similar to real understanding and dealing with my (sometimes changing) conditions. But we made it so far, and we made it together and we are proud of that and we are happy to have tried.

Still there can be days when we yell at each other and maybe secretly even think about leaving. I fear that is part of the game. On my side, I have learnd a lot about partnership and real love. And I have made progress in learning to let my armour down and show my real self and be open to her and trust her not to strike me then.

Our relationship has benefitted a lot this way.

One thing I would like to add to my postings above:

Jealousy is a topic that can come up in non-NPD partnerships as well. What makes it especially hurtful in a love-relationship with a N is, that it seems that sex seems to be better with anyone else but the own partner.

The painful truth behind this phenomenon is that the more intimate and the closer a partnership gets, the more anxious and timid and tense the N. Why? Because sexual intimacy is a field where one can't hold protective shields up. The moment when real closeness comes is the most feared, because deep inside there is always the fear of rejection at work. So, it is much easier to have sex with someone who can't come close or who is not suspected to be interested in that.

This explains for example why there can be "good" sex with the ex. There is no more danger that she could be a "love trap".

This is very frustrating, I know. And, besides, this deprives the N of one of the most fulfilling and joyful experiences just the same way it deprives his partner. N won't feel the pain so much, because his suffering is blocked. But it's there.

But, NPD is learned and so it is possible to learn better ways. There is hope, I can tell that from my own experience. It is not impossible to learn step by step to behave like a friend first and later like a loving partner.

Best wishes,
bluna