I have a history of over a decade of chronic back pain, with an emergency surgery of my lumbar spine and an emergency surgery of my cervical spine (2004 and 2007 respectively), both due to debilitating neurological symptoms.

But over the last couple of months my back has gotten a lot worse. And over the last couple of days I've had a lot of trouble walking (due to pain, not neurological symptoms) and really making any move at all. I've missed two days of work, because work involves a lot of walking and standing.

I'm scared... That I'll need yet another surgery, that it'll get worse, that -at 50 now- I'll slowly go downhill and have a harder and harder time doing the job I'm so passionate about.

My pain doctor said that, at this point, she HAS to have an MRI to see what is going on. The problem is that my insurance (most insurance) will not pay for one until I've made a 'good faith effort' to do some PT first. My doctor said she may be able to make the case for an MRI after 4-5 sessions.

I have never found PT to be very helpful, but I'll do it for a while to get the MRI. I already do a lot of stretching on my own. PT tends to focus on strengthening exercises, and this is what I have not found helpful.

But the PT clinic I want to go to is very busy and I don't start for 2 weeks. I want to go to this place because I have experience through my own work there and know they're good. It's also right across the street from the hospital where I work, so I can go right after work. I won't go before work, because I need so much sleep to maintain my stability.

So, I'm. so. damn. scared. And am in a lot of pain. I haven't seen a doctor specifically for this episode because I don't know what they could do for me: I already take methadone for another pain issue, I take an NSAID, low dose, because I can't take more because it was starting to affect my kidneys, and I can't take steroids because they send me sky-high, starting with hypomania. I do take extra klonopin (I have a 'stash' of extras) as a muscle relaxant and that helps a bit, but it makes me very drowsy so I can't take it at work. I know of another muscle relaxant that can be prescribed, but it also makes me very drowsy.

I just hope this, at least mostly, resolves on its own. And/or I can just go back to work and do the best I can...