[ This is a love story of sorts, rather silly but nevertheless. May trigger. ]

Crazy man. Crazy, crazy duck man who listened to heavy metal and breakcore and classical music. Crazy, beautiful man that told me I was fascinating.

It's been a year since you went away. On your Myspace it says you last logged on May 11th, 2007. I found out on May 31st, 2007. 20 days later, and I was devastated.

We met on hotornot.com. You sent me a message, wanted to talk. It dawned upon us there was quite a distance between us. You in the UK, me here in the cold northern land of Finland. You were impressed by that fact, though.

We were making plans of you coming over. I would have taken you ice skating, made kiwi and banana pizza and you would teach me more about breakcore and I would play you death metal. "Norsk metal", to be exact, which you were so interested in.

I grew quite attached to you. I was so lonely and you made me feel better. I knew it was foolish, you were so far away.

But I heard your voice. We sent music to each other. I was so excited, you were so exciting. Every time I was away with my friends I would anxiously wait to get back home to talk to you.

Then soon you informed me you were in love with a girl. And that she didn't suck like the majority of people did. I pretended I wasn't hurt. I descended to the 7th circle of hell, started getting panic attacks, my whole life fell apart. It wasn't your fault, though.

You did the right thing. You informed me before I got my hopes up (though they had already gone up lol). And I chose to keep it bottled up inside. It was my decision.

Three months later you talked to me, saying you were down. We talked, and you told me I had made you feel better. That totally made my day. You were still special to me.

You always will be.

The last time we talked was in April 2007. The conversation was cut short and I'm sorry because of that. I wish I could have been able to tell you had been suffering from severe depression for a long time. You had the ability to laugh and joke even when things weren't looking up.

When I found out depression had eaten you alive, it felt so unreal. We were never going to meet. Never going to talk again. Someone so wonderful was gone from my life. Just like that. Nobody was asked how they felt about it, you were just taken away. I don't blame you for doing what you did. I'm just sad. You were so good at hiding things. it cost your life.

I hope none of your real life friends are bitter. I hope they are thankful for once having someone as great as you in their life. I know I am. I am grateful for you teaching me about breakcore. Without that information I would have never contacted the man I love right now.

I always cared about you, and I will until the day I die. We didn't know for long, but you sure carved your mark on my heart. I miss you, and I will remember you always.

Thank you, Ade. I hope you're well in whatever parallel universe you're in. Peaceful, happy dreams, you crazy man.

Jan 26 1985 - May 11? 2007

& Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men - "One Sweet Day"