Phone call earlier from mother. Forty-five minutes duration, forty all about her.

In under five, she'd brought up subject of why I hadn't been in touch or visited. Of course, it's all my fault. When I walked out on her four weeks ago, I should have specified that I wouldn't be in touch again. Although she denied bringing up the main topic of our estrangement, it was obvious it would rear its head at some stage.

Reading another forum topic, I may be guilty of stonewalling. However, there's always two sides to any disagreement. As mentioned before, she cannot accept she's wrong in any way. When I explained at my age I shouldn't have to endure this hassle, she then turned the conversation round to all about her and her health. I then reminded her about what she'd said about not using her health as a reason for the unacceptable request. Then she blamed me for bringing up the subject again; reminded her that this is the cause of the problem. She said that despite how she's treated me, she's still my mother and I'm still her daughter. Yes, true, but that doesn't give her carte blanche to behave in this way. We all know the reasons for that.

Not really bothered about issues I've had (possibly lockdown related). Instead, she hardly drew breath in all of the above then proceeded to wish me well in everything I was doing now or in the future, as she didn't know if she'd ever see me again. As I've probably mentioned before, emotions have been suppressed for a number of years, as a coping mechanism. She doesn't understand that releasing them again has brought some welcome and some unwanted results.

Bottom line is damned if I do and damned if I don't!