“Bottom line is damned if I do and damned if I don't!”

^That’s right!

I also have a difficult relationship with my mother. I’ve come to the same conclusion. I now do for her what I want. Honestly, it’s working just fine. She acts like nothing happened every time once I call her again a few days after the latest friction, and I am learning to avoid the triggering conversations better. From what you describe, I think your mother does not let it go and guilts you. My advice is to not take the bait when she does.

I think at the root of it is the longing for our mothers’ love. There’s an uncomfortable emotion that lingers where we know we are not getting it no matter how much we do for them. It’s a no win with them. The love only lasts as long as your last favor done for them.

I’m learning to just let that emotion sit and accept the way it is, then let it pass. I’m literally giving myself hugs! Here’s a virtual one for you.