I think looking back, I have had no luck with men. This is partially because of my behavior. I seemed to be attracted to abusive men. Men who put me down; men who are controlling; men who don't care about me. I think this current man is much better than the others because he gives me my space. He lifts my spirits. He never criticizes me. He accepts my flaws. So, he does not overwhelm me. He is an ordinary kind man. Yes, he could be more generous, may be. The stalker before him was generous to me and paid for everything. However, when the situation went sour, he showed his true colors and started stalking me. So, I really don't care if a man pays for everything or does not. The stalker was mean in a way buying me fatty foods to eat when he knew I had a weight problem. So, I really don't care if a man pays for things. He also was mal-adjusted although he is in his 70s. This current man is confident and nice to me. He says take action and don't worry about matters that you don't have control over. Of course, this is common sense. But, he boosts my confidence and makes me happy.

So, I know what his job is now. But, I don't think it is central to our relationship except that he goes on business trips on some weekends. He knows what I do too. But, we don't really talk about each other's work. We talk about our childhood and past. He seems to have had a happy upbringing unlike mine. He also was married and divorced his wife. They had an amicable divorce since they both grew apart. I think he was too busy with his career and away on trips. So, in my opinion, she felt neglected. I, on the other hand, enjoy my time alone. So, if he goes away, which he is now, I like my time alone. I really need my space. Also, I need to be on my own at times to feel like myself. So, I'm glad he goes away sometimes. He writes me while on his trips.

My previous marriage ended traumatically. The ex asked for alimony. Like, WTF? He just wanted money from me from the time we met until the time we parted. Now, I am earning a pittance so hopefully I won't be in the same predicament again.

I am happy with the current man so far. He is not perfect and neither am I. But, he is far much better than any other man I've dated before. So, I am grateful for this. I really don't know if we will last though. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I don't think we are in love. But, we like each other a lot for now. I don't know where our relationship is going since I have never had a good relationship with any man or may be a person. I will just take it one day at a time for now.

I do sometimes feel as if may be I am a type of person who is better off alone. So, why do I even try to be with anybody? Loneliness? I don't know. Anyways, so far, it is going well. Do I expect a commitment or something serious from him? I don't know. Like I said, I've never had a good relationship so however, it turns out between us will be fine with me. I am not demanding anything from him and he has not demanded anything from me.

We shall see how this continues. We are seeing each other again next week. I am glad we only met once last week since I was tired and still am tired. But, now I feel better. Hopefully, my fatigue will improve with time.

I feel happy with him!!