Well... at this point in my life I find I have a pretty limited amount of energy to begin with. And a large portion of what I do have goes toward maintaining my own mental stability I suspect. (I guess I don't really know. But it feels that way.)

Looking back I can see where I've always had the same problems I have now. But when I was younger I was a lot better at working around them, ignoring them, pushing them down or aside, denying them, etc. What I'm finding, as I age, is that it's becoming increasingly difficult to maintain control. I find myself giving in to my impulses and compulsions a lot more frequently than I used to. And sometimes I find myself wishing I would just totally lose what sanity I have, or perhaps develop some form of dementia that would allow me to simply let it all go and just not give a fig about the consequences. There is a sense in which that would be a dream come true...